Am using a Reliance-Huawei data card. And it’s so slow that I almost forgot what I wanted to write by the time this page loaded.
Anyways, let me try and recollect those thoughts, nevertheless.
Yea, I was thinking about my fear. Of course, the usual gurlish fear – the fear of losing him. Despite his thousand and hundred proofs about his sincerity towards me; that fear – what if all am seeing is but an illusion, remains. He made my father his, my mother his, my sister, my brother, my family are all his now; he gave me his elder sister.
He says sit back and relax, why work why go out in the world when am there to face it, you enjoy life, put on more weight and more shine to those cheeks of yours.
He hugs me often and hides me between those broad shoulders of his and that completes me so much. Once in the midst of MG Road when he hid me in his arms I said to him, “You complete me so much that tomorrow even if I do not have a child I still would feel like a woman.” And it wasn’t a lie.
I knw I could be living every woman’s dream. And probably that’s where lies my fear – fear of losing someone as precious as him.
But Mamon, what’s losing afterall – a state of mind that gives in and believes all’s gone. Do I lose him if he stops talking to me forever? Or if we stop seeing each other? Did I lose him those nine months? No. I never lost him those nine months when we never talked or saw each other, because he remained in my thoughts. He became omnipresent. I never lost him, nor would I ever. He will remain in me always, ever, wherever he is.
