I must have been about 6, 7 years old back then. And there aren’t too many things that I remember very vividly. However, one amongst the few that I remember was that Church down the lane where my home was.
Before anyone told me it was a Church, I used to think it was some kind of a dark one roomed house where people go once a week and sing, and some go once a month to howl and cry out aloud. Why, I don’t know. But surely I would always wish that those howlings would end as soon as poosible.
It was one of such days of the month when that Dark Roomed House was all filled with howlings, crying aloud with some words interrupting the wailings. Never was a curious kid unless something hits me real hard and this one did – may be it interrupted the peace within. I went to ma and asked, “What’s that going on in that house – the one with a dark one room?”
She taught, “Na ma don’t call it dark roomed house, it is called Girja Ghor, some people like us go and pray there.”
“Really? But I don’t see ’Hori-Om’, or Durga, or Lakshmi there?”
“No dear, like we pray to ‘Hori-On’ they pray to Cross.”
“Ah, ok. But what’s that noise all about?”
“Ah that? They are confessing to God all their bad things, their bad thoughts, or some sin they would have done.”
“Sin?”
“Bad works – harming someone”
“Ok. And confess?”
”Admitting that they have done some wrong.”
“Really? But why would they tell what wrongs they have done. Won’t they get thrashings? Aren’t they scared?”
“Yes it is to get rid of fear only. See when you lie to me and eat pickles without my permission how do you feel when you look at me? You wish na that you could tell me what you have done? And why would you wish so – to feel better hai na, because a lie is a burden and you want to get rid of that burden. Similarly, they have their Father in the Girja to whom they go and get rid of all the burdens by admitting the wrongs they have done.”
At that moment my mother looked to me like a Girja ghor, and just when she completed her explanation I blabbered to her all the burdens within – the sugar I stole from the kitchen, the tea I sipped from the helper’s mug, the lipstick I wore oneday etc etc. She just hugged me and said, “Don’t you feel better?” Yes I did extrememly.
Eversince then, the Church to me became a place where you stand in all nudity of mind and thoughts, you just unveil everything – good, bad, ugly infront of that Father who you can’t see. You cry, you howl and you get cleansed, burdenless.
For me, for a long time my parents were that Church. And today he is my Church. I stand in total nudity of thoughts and mind in front of him, I just unveil to him. Then we fight, we cry and finally he accepts me and that’s how he cleanses me completely. Jandro, that’s another bond that we share amongst the many between us. Am happy and fres again with this cleanliness.
